That Damn D!!!....Double Standard That Is...

I don't know about you...but I am SO tired of the gender double standard that takes place between men and women. Why is it that what is acceptable for one sex isn't for the other? Yes we've been bought up and raised to believe that we each play our own roles in this thing called life but here we are in 2009, and it seems like we've gotten NOWHERE in this regard. From careers to relationships, this whole double standard has gotten out of control slowly placing too much control on our lives; I’m ready for a change. Lately it’s been harder and harder to go one step farther when we ourselves keep pushing us back because of what we think should be happening. No matter what, men are expected to do "this" and women are expected to do "that". The crazy part is that after all the breakthroughs we've had, any deviation from what's typical is mostly frowned upon instead of appreciated.

When a woman works hard and achieves beyond what society expects, she's accused of trying to be a man, and is then perceived as not wanting one because she can do it all herself. And when she messes up, as all human beings do, does she get any encouragement? No! She gets a big" I told you so"; all the while her male counterpart is considered a "go-getter". The sad part is that the farther women go, the less likely her chances are of finding a good mate, as the chances for men, sky rocket for the same reason.

Women aren't the only ones, men experience it too. When a man actually chooses to raise his child, he's accused of having an alternate motive such as a welfare check, trying to impress the ladies by his parenting skills, and whatever other nonsense we've thought of over the years. We've sadly grown to expect men to suck at being a good dad and when it happens, it seems almost impossible.

Or when a man decides to pursue a career that is usually done by women such as nursing or cooking, he's considered inadequate for not wanting to ride bikes and fix cars.

Here's another good one: when a woman dates various men( meaning more than one) she's considered a slut, gold digger, among many other names. It’s almost as if society expects women to go on one date their whole lives and label him as “the one", never to try again. Yet if a man does the same thing, he's praised by his fellow dudes, and even admired by some females as a "catch".

Let's face it, a lot of stuff that men do , no matter how crazy, are eventually accepted by most of us, while woman are shun to the darkest places of the earth never given a chance at redemption. We see it in relationships, media, even in the workplace. There needs to be a fair medium in which men and women can be treated fairly as they are now acting similarly in various aspects of life. We need to reach a place where women aren't as forgiving of nonsense and men ease up a bit on their standards to which they rate decent womanly behavior.

Yes, there are some cases that are governed by some unspoken rule in which fair treatment is just not possible for a number of reasons... Like domestic violence. But for the most part, things have to change; Or else, in order to remain happy women may have to put themselves back 20 years , wear aprons and long skirts standing in the shadows of our male counterparts holding 10 babies....showing acceptance into society.

Super Ex Girlfriend

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*sigh*...Ladies, at some point in our lives, we've all played the role of the detective. When we put our minds to it, Sherlock Holmes, CSI, even Inspector Gadget has nothing on us! Eventually you come to realize that its about growth in character in yourself leading to security in your relationship; leading us all to a level of trust that defies all the craziness were ALL capable of.

So Keef is stepping his comedy game up!! Check out a clip from his recent show at Comix. He seems a little bitter but as you'll see the crowd shares his pain.

Workplace Drama...

So its Monday morning, and you get to work with your spirits high (as high as they can be for a Monday) , ready to get your work down and be outta there by 5. Hey, if you like your job, you may even put in the extra effort, go in early and leave later...all that good stuff that's held you in high regards with your co-workers and supervisors...some of them anyway.After some time passes, your hard work is paying off! You get either a raise or promotion. Then for some strange reason, you begin to hear rumors behind your back, and may even start to get the silent treatment. One day without warning, dirty looks start from the coworkers that just brought you coffee and a sesame bagel yesterday! What's up?!!!

The sad truth is that some people are just motivated to come into work for different reasons. Just as some may be all about C.R.E.A.M. , some are just motivated by DRAMA. Knowing who's currently doing what, who may be doing what, who will be doing what and with whom are just need to know information for some people; perhaps to make their horrible lives seem a little better. What's even sadder is that these drama whores never run out of things to talk about. After a while they usually gravitate toward those who are doing their job the way their supposed to. You get a compliment, they roll their eyes, and you get a new office, you’re going to lunch solo. So what do you do?

You do the same thing you've been doing. Keep doing your best to get to where you desire to be. There's 24 hours in a day. If you're spending only 8 -10 of them on the job, who cares what others think about you! The way I see it, some of us need to treat our jobs like a reality TV show… with those girls that desperately try to find” the one" in semi-famous people. You’re ultimately there to earn a paycheck and eventually excel. Don't get me wrong, I've met some great people who are still my genuine friends on the job, but that's not always the case. If your fortunate enough for that to happen, congrats! It’s cool to have someone to get a drink with after a long day and share experiences with. But if it doesn't happen, it’s ok. You're not really there to make friends...it’s a plus. I'm not saying walk around with a screw face and ignore everyone, just be a little cautious with whom you choose to cross the line from" co-worker" to "home girl". If you look closely you'll be able tell who's there for the same reasons you are and who's there to just spread their misery into new territory. Not everyone at work needs to know what club you go to every Saturday, who you're dating etc. The more people you choose to share your life story with, the less upset you can be when its all over the office in a matter of hours. The line is a thin one that if you let stretch too far, can break and backfire. If you feel like you still can't tell who you can trust on the job, just keep your mouth shut and keep it moving.

Facebook: A Requiem for Face to Face...guest entry brought to you by Keef

Ok, let's face it. Technology has straight taken over our lives. In a world full of ichat, aim, facebook, myspace, twitter, blackberry messenger, etc.....its safe to say that we have lost the sincerity that came with just having a conversation! *sigh*....don't you miss the days when calling someone up or visiting someone was a lot easier than texting or writing them an email? When "boo loving "meant spending hours on in on the phone instead of chatting on aim ? When laughter meant really seeing a person smile instead of reading their LOL? Or if its really funny.... reading their, rotfl!!!!!? ugh! I sure do . Check out this latest entry by ya boy Keef. This is why.

“Where were you?! You said that you were coming!”
“No I didn’t!”
“Yeah you did, it’s on Facebook.”

“I haven’t seen you in so long! Wow! I see you have 2 kids, married, and a Masters in Forensic Psychology.”
“Well, that’s pretty much what’s been up. See ya. Hit my wall up.”

Photo comment: “Wow, you wearing the shit out that dress. Remind me of that night…Lol…Remember?”
Boyfriend: “Who’s that?!”
Girlfriend: “Nobody”

“Why does he always have to comment on your photos?”
“First Amendment”
“Seriously?! And he happens to like ALL your status updates?”

“What did you get your mother for her birthday?”
“I wished her ‘Happy Bday’ on her wall.”

PHD...guest entry brought to you by Keef.....

PhD ...insight for men, wake up call for women
My father gave me 2 pieces of advice about women that i'll never forget.

One: don't knock one up until you're full and ready (Pause, haha). And Two: don't take a woman that makes much less money than you.
He didn't elaborate on it, nor do I think I was ready for his explanation, so I took it upon myself to justify the advice. Number one goes without question. Number two I guess it's because she won't have enough to offer. She's thinking bus when you're thinking cab, she's thinking South Beach when you're thinking Prague, she's thinking cinema when you're thinking Broadway. You get the drift... What is she going to bring to the table?
Girls in my bracket give problems too. We're always duking it out for the check. We're subtly battling over who's lotion is better. "Baby, try this Curel. It's feeling something like the bomb!" "Boo-bee cakes! Get in on this Nivea. It'll have you looking like fancy vinyl!" Though we are always interested in the same things, the problem is that we are always interested in the same things. And we each try to make the same things better. We supposed to take over, but I caught her bumping Ether.
Then I examined girls who's pocket books reflect their careers, got degrees, and smarter than the average bear. They teach me all types of great things that was beneficial to my growth: 'good' versus 'well'; appropriately tipping; and places that I HAVE to wear shoes to.
Btw, if you're a guy, you should own at least one nightlife outfit and one business suit (it's ok, being dressed appropriately doesn't take away from your gangsta). But I digress...
With the gift of knowledge and extravagant experiences, comes blows to my male ego. I have no leverage over these women. They are intelligent, confident, well-taken-care-of, and experiences that make them so relateable. Girls with Masters, PhD's, JD's, etc. have no time to stroke your ego, but focus their time on making sure that their swag is cold. I was on an adventure field trip with one of these Masters of the Universe. I considered not getting a video made of the event because of the extra monetary cost. My overqualified lady friend says "You're not getting the video?!" Such a loaded question. Well she kicked me right in the...uh uh uh Ego...right in my uh uh uh Ego! So I bought the video...Women!
In conclusion I say this: Thanks dad. Further, you overqualified women need not work hard to get a man. But that's not to say it's easy for you. It's wildly hard! The harder you try, the poorer quality of guys you get. I would say I feel bad, but I really don't. What am I going to do about my ego, woman?! And I can't empathize because I will never be in your predicament. Whether I remain an ignoramus, or become educated, whether I gain weight or remain an adonis (stroke my big ego), I will still have as many options as I do now. Stay strong, overqualified women. The dating pool for you is very slim. Rent "Something New", get that Vanilla Swiss Almond Haagen Daaz, and make it a Blockbuster Night.

Random Thought
Girls meet me and think that because I'm a man of good humor, that I don't need for them to make me laugh. They think my spirits remain high. Like I'm at funerals playing pranks on people. Such is not the case. I am, in fact, one of the most depressed people you'll meet because there is no one to make me smile. When you see me, readers, tell your best joke. Make my day.

Have you ever felt like, "The Warm-up Girl" ?

This WORLD- a stage
PEOPLE- actors

.....And we're just simply here on this earth each playing our part. In the midst of it all, this thing called love is just a game we play; with players that specialize in winning or losing. Many of us ladies have been the underdog in the game at some point in our lives, and yet we never give that position the credit it deserves.
Until now......

The definition

Warm-up girl-n. A woman that willingly engages a man for a long period of time with aspirations of a commitment. He continues to string her along until this situation results in the man choosing another female to engage in that commitment as he leaves the unsuspecting woman without any remorse .

Game time

In this game called love that we choose to play, this unsuspecting female known as the "warm-up" girl puts over 100% in effort, if not physically, she’ll hand it over emotionally, and is always there when you need her to be in some way. Yet she's always kept on the sidelines, never gets a chance to be a star player in the game , never getting just credit for her role in winning the game....for the rest of the "team" .

Now don't get it twisted....Although she never gets to start in the game of love, her hard work is acknowledged...well...a little bit anyway. After all the effort she's put in, proving to be a good player, the team can't afford to let her go, so the team captain keeps her warming the bench, giving her a few practice plays here and there, so she feels a little important. Just when she feels like maybe, just maybe she is actually appreciated and may get her chance to play....BAM! The real game (which she had no clue was about to begin) starts, she's OUT and here comes another player. She's been on the team for so long but she gets bumped and in comes this chick who was never there to work hard with the team and just shows up reaping the benefits of your infinite sacrifices. And who gets the credit for scoring a goal???? It definitely is not the warm-up girl.

The crazy part is that even though the game is going on as she warms the bench, the team captain checks on her every now and then, just to make sure she's ok over there on the sidelines....just in case he may need to "put her in".
Game over.

How many of us females have played the unsuspecting role of the "warm-up" girl? How many of us have put our ALL into a man who we truly thought had potential to be the man who would retire us from this "game"? There are so many emotions that come over you: hurt, anger, embarrassment, betrayal, among many others. It sucks to feel like all your effort was wasted; and no matter what you do and no matter how hard you try, someone else will mean more. Your pride takes a unimaginable hit that makes recovering harder and harder to achieve yet comprises a wall, easier and easier to build. You thought you did everything right, or at least well enough, so now you begin to ask the dreaded question: "what's wrong with me"? Ladies the answer is nothing. There's nothing wrong with you. Some of us shine so brightly and were not to blame some may choose to keep blinders on so they don't have to face it. It’s easier to make something, anything out of nothing, than it is to work with something strong enough to be established on its own. Our time just hasn't come yet, but when it is our time to shine...on another team, well shine so brightly, that the team you left will always see the glare. As they remain in pursuit of the player they once had.

Hater, Maya Angelou....a Must Read!!

A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends all their
time trying to make you look small so they can look tall.
They are very negative people to say the least. Nothing is ever
good enough!

When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters...

That's why you have to be careful with whom you share your
blessings and your dreams, because some folk can't handle seeing
you blessed...

It's dangerous to be like somebody else... If God wanted you to be
like somebody else, He would have given you what He gave them! Right?

You never know what people have gone through to get what they
have...

The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they
don't know my story...

If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you
can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too!

We've all got some haters among us!

Some people envy you because you can:
a) Have a relationship with God
b) Light up a room when you walk in
c) Start your own business
d) Tell a man / woman to hit the curb
(if he / she isn't about the right thing)
e) Raise your children without both parents being
in the home

Haters can't stand to see you happy.
Haters will never want to see you succeed.
Most of our haters are people who are supposed to be
on our side.

How do you handle your undercover haters?
You can handle these haters by:

1. Knowing who you are & who your true friends are
*(VERY IMPORTANT!!)

2. Having a purpose to your life: Purpose does not
mean having a job. You can have a job and still be
unfulfilled.

A purpose is having a clear sense of what God has called you to be..
Your purpose is not defined by what others think about you.

3. By remembering what you have is by divine
prerogative and not human manipulation.

Fulfill your dreams! You only have one life to live...when its your
time to leave this earth, you 'want' to be able to say, 'I've lived my
life and fulfilled 'my' dreams,... Now I'm ready to go HOME!

When God gives you favor, you can tell your haters, 'Don't look at
me...Look at Who is in charge of me...'

Wait!!!

Is it better to go through life waiting for opportunity to knock or is it better to just open the door and see for yourself? Today we live in a society with a mentality of impatience where we automatically assume that whatever it is that we desire won't come to light unless we go forth and heavily , sometimes insanely pursue it...which in many cases is a true argument. I'm all for "grindin" to get to where you want to be, but there are some cases where the " fight" has become so drawn out that we've exhausted the possibility of winning. We start to believe that extra money won't come unless we hustle, your potential husband won't come unless you go out and date every dude out there with a pulse that seems available until you find the right one, or a certain friend won't get the message unless we constantly beat him/her over the head with our perception of their crazy actions. As we weigh the pros and cons constantly trying to force our desires , it may be better to just relax and wait your turn. Whether you believe in destiny or not, everything does comes in its due time right?. There are instances in which we have to grab opportunities when we can, yet at the end of the day, when we force something that may not be ready to evolve, the results may not be in our favor. Life has a funny way of throwing us curveballs that mask itself in the shape or form of our wants and needs ,but every opportunity to get ahead or advance in whatever way( work, education, relationships) may not always be on point.



Key message: Take it one day at a time. Whether we prefer to dwell in the bliss of ignorance or not, we can always tell when something...or someone has run its course. However just because the road has ended doesn't mean that our journey has ended as well. Sometimes we just need to relax until a new pathway forms leading to that destination that we desire. In the meanwhile, appreciate how far you've gotten on your journey thus far...theyres no turning back.

Homewrecker!!!! ....devil's advocate

Scenario: So you've been dating this guy for what seems like enough time to realize that he's " THE ONE". You begin to plan your future including him with aspirations of marriage, kids, location change, etc. Every thing seems to be going great when all of a sudden, you start to notice subtle changes that eventually make you realize that you're not in Kansas anymore. Hey, it may not be going so well but WHO CARES!!!??!!...he's " the one" right? So you deal and try your hardest to get back to where you once were when...... one day you come to the harsh realization that...BAM !!! This motherfu*cker has been creepin! Yes, your "soulmate" has cheated on you. And you swear that you didn't even see it coming!!!! The End.

Ok, so in a nutshell, that's nonsense. As we get older, I'd like to think that we have enough common sense to realize that nothing just happens all of a sudden. No matter how good a guy may have become at hiding his deceptive behavior ,there were ALWAYS signs. The important thing to remember is that the signs you're looking for are from HIM. As much as we'd like to think that men are of the weaker sex when it comes to willpower and turning down any women that throws "it" in their faces, the fact remains you weren't dating the other women. You were dating HIM. Whether she knew about you not, or no matter how much you wanna believe that she turned him to betray you, luring him in with what seems like a better life , it doesn't change the fact that the problem you have is ultimately between HIM and you. Who she is, what she does ,when she does it, and how, isn't something that you need to concern yourself with; ultimately IF her character is in question, payback isn't now your inherited duty in order to defend good women everywhere trying to keep a man. Besides, if this man you knew so well couldve decieved you, he's very capable of decieving her too....there's two sides to every story.

Should there really be such a term as a "HOMEWRECKER"??? How could this woman have possibly "broken up a happy home" if she didn't even live in your house? Furthermore you need to ask yourself was your HOME really that happy or were you living in a house that constantly needed renovations? MY Opinion: some of us women like to give hints. We like to drop subtle signs all over the place in order to fix something we don't like, or get something we want. When that doesn't work then, and only then, will we change our plan of action. As we have become so good at this, how could we not acknowledge the signs of others? Although we tend to get a bad rap for prying and nagging, if something doesn't seem right, its important that you act on it. If your significant other is telling you everything is fine yet, you clearly see that things are not the same as they were in the begining, it may be time for you to get to know this person you see as your potential mate a little better. As time goes on you may be fortunate enough to learn what you slowly won't tolerate anymore.
Although the purpose of this entry was initially to address women who are distraught and unsettled because of harsh feelings revolving around an untrustworthy relationship,the idea of truly getting to know each other can help any relationship that may be in turmoil. The problem is not always a cheating man that can't be trusted. NOT ALL MEN CHEAT. Yet just like women, men are HUMAN first. They go through a series of trial and error just like us. Before you get to the point where your left heartbroken and emotionally destitute, vowing to never love again, use communication to the best of your ability. Whether you choose to or not, it will never change the fact that there are always signs that that you need to look for which can either lead you in the wrong or right direction. If you choose to remain ignorant to the map in front of you, no matter how hurtful it may seem, you may have to suck it up and take responsibility for getting lost.

The hypen......

Do we really need the hyphen???

This is an issue that many women, along with myself have struggled with for a long time. The point when we let go of the individualism we've come to cherish in order to find true love is a battle that many women fight; some will win, while others will fail miserably. It’s bad enough that divorce rates are through the roof along with unsuccessful relationships as a whole. The reasons are countless yet one important factor may be that as women, we’ve forgotten how to let men be men. We've achieved so much that many of us feel that we should take our rightful place right next to a man yet, overlooking the shine he needs too. If you believe in marriage and plan on having your vows recited before GOD in a church ,then the basics still remain clear." Wives submit unto your husbands"... Without taking us back into the Stone Age, there is a way in which we can be powerful influential women and still let a man be the man. This whole “Miss Independent” thing is great and overdue, but one may say its gone a little overboard. Yes it’s true that there are many men in this world who have left tons of women without a choice but to play both roles equally, however if you truly attempt to be in a successful relationship when that time comes, its important that we let go and have faith that the guy you've chosen will take on his responsibility as a MAN to the best of his potential. If he fails, that’s not a reflection on you.

Courtship goes a long way. Women,let him open the door for you. Let him pay for a meal or two. That does not take away from your ability to take care of yourself. It shows in a small way how you feel you deserve to be treated. If something needs fixing, let him try to fix it. I’m not saying let him pay all your” Bills Bills Bills,”, but if he’s willing to help let him. I’ve grown to learn that a good man would do what he can to help his lady (if he really cares), because he expects that if he’s ever down for the count, you’d do the same. Yes, we can do all the things a man can do but just like we need to feel appreciated, so do our male counterparts. Yes its important to be independent and I'm sure as Ne-Yo so nicely put it, men love it especially nowadays, however this is only for a limited time and should be willingly compromised once you've decided to be in a meaningful relationship. If you've been in what you call a committed relationship and still just want a man around, instead of needing that man, examine how far you expect that relationship to go and why. Keep in mind that needing someone doesn't mean you can't go on without them .It simply means that you've looked in your past where you've been, are examining your present together and see them in your future plans. To need him means that out of all the choices you may have, this is the one that counts.
The first step of submission may be taking his name. I've begun research to discover who was the first woman to decide that its essential to keep both her name and her husbands name. Jones-Harding, Washington- Bradley, etc, etc. As a woman who has accomplished A LOT by herself, I can understand the importance of wanting to appreciate the accomplishments you've made without the help of anyone else and wanting to carry that onto your children. Yet when we decide to embark on the union of marriage, this is not just a tough decision for you, but for him too. With all the men out there running from marriage, this man has decided that you are worthy of sharing his legacy, his last name with you. The first thing that made this man who he is. If hes truly a worthy man of your time ( as I know many are frontin’ out there), then we should be honored. Key Message: If you are who you are, you ll be that person regardless, with or without a ring. Hanging onto your name isn’t what made you who you are or what you’ve done. Too many of us go into relationships one way , expecting drastic life changes in our partner ...good luck. Furthermore your name, is not what's going to make the future generations beneath you follow in your footsteps. A powerful legacy comes with teaching and raising .You can tag on as many names as you want to ,but will it really have a profound effect on the outcome your trying to achieve ? You decide.

-One growing woman’s opinion.

OK.... We Hear You!!

WOMAN: Wife, sister, mother, councilman,lawyer,,confidant, handyman, caregiver...and the list goes on. It's no secret that ladies today have come a long way in the various roles that we play in society, sometimes simultaneously. In some cases we have a tendency to take this way too far, losing the role that we were meant to portray as a woman. Whatever we do should be an attempt to reach some sort of contentment and happiness for ourselves. Yet many of us are left miserable and bitter, and leaves me wondering why. "I am woman , hear me roar" may have once upon a time been a necessary proclamation but today, its gone a bit too far. Women, especially of color have taken on the responsibility of the world on their shoulders as they try to accomplish as much as possible, defying the expectations of everyone who didn't believe they could do it. Its safe to say we've done pretty well in handling it all, yet it seems that lately we feel the need to express our accomplishments and tell of things that we've overcome to the world time and time again. Many of us have gotten through a lot in our lifetimes and this may only be the beginning. We were even privelged to watch the closest a woman has ever come to being president of our nation as Hilary Clinton broke down many barriers for women worldwide. So if that’s the case shouldn’t we be proud not angry? No matter how much someone may look down on you, or try to " hate" on you , that's their problem not yours. There will always be people who will undermine your achievements and neglect your greatness. Its time that we women come to a sense of contentment within ourselves to live our lives for us , and not to prove something to someone else....as if they have a reward waiting for us everytime we proclaim how wonderful we are. The time and energy we use to "speak our mind" , letting someone know all that we've done, and all you won't tolerate because we've done so much , is a moment that we can't get back; which couldve been used to do something that makes us genuinely happy; instead of the resentment we feel when we don’t get the response we expected from the world . Also, the same ladies that are out there highlighting what they feel are their strengths day after day, hour after hour, are the same ones living with the regrets of what has ultimately become their weakness.

A lot of us try to advertise the accomplishment of ourselves, but fail to give that same acknowledgment to other women who are trying their best each day. Ladies if you look carefully, our biggest critics aren’t our male counterparts but ourselves.
It’s pretty much expected for us to continue to great things, with grace and humility without the approval of our peer counterparts. We’ve come a long way but we have a long way to go, starting with us.

Baggage Claim

We constantly hear that it’s a danger to any relationship to bring the experiences of your past into your present. Is that even really possible? Just as a new day comes, yes, that should be the mind set that you bring into each new relationship ... but is any of us really able to not in some way tie in some aspect of our past into our present, as we try to impact our future? Is" luggage" always a negative thing? The one thing that's certain is that it’s inevitable. When we go away on an overnight trip we carry some kind of bag with something in it so we can be "prepared” for whatever may be in store for us at our destination. Even kids that try to run away from home carry one of those little knapsacks (we see in the movies or cartoons) because something inside tells them that they must carry something in order to get where they're going and be ok . The point is, no matter the journey that lays in front of us, sure or unsure, you have to carry your past experiences with you....its shaped who you are and you'll never be the same again. Good or bad, it helped you get to where you are and for some of us, have become an essential part of our growth process. Due to lack of experience, some of us may have been ill-prepared or "ill-packed" in the past, but it’s up to us now to take the necessary items of life that we've skillfully gained with time, on the journeys ahead of us. If we don't that means that somewhere along the line, we've hindered our growth process and have stopped learning; and then wonder why one destination seems to take us right back where we started.

Once again, as we grow, we need to take the necessary items that we've acquired over the years with us. Key Word: NECESSARY. The problem arises when we start to pack and bring a whole bunch of bull sh*t that we don't need, which in most cases, it weighs us down. Just as packing too little hinders us, so does packing too much. When it comes to relationships, the most we need to bring is a carry-on bag ONLY. Yes ,some of us go through a lot in relationships, yet if we look in hindsight, the key problems are really quite simple: with the help of ignorance or over-thought, we've either made enough alterations or assumptions to ensure that a rock became a mountain...and we don't even know when or where that took place. If you honestly feel like you have more problems and issues that just can't fit into a carry-on bag, then maybe you should reconsider entering any future relationships, until you've gone through enough healing and self reflection, to evaluate what it is you do and do not need to bring on the journey ahead.

Bringing just the right amount into a relationship becomes an act of selflessness . If you're involved with someone whom you feel is worthy of your attention, this helps the BOTH of you examine where you've been in the past and helps you both get a better idea of where you two may potentially be headed in the future.When you bring any type of baggage, you should be using whatever it is you've carried. If you don't plan on going swimming, then you wouldn't bring a bathing suit would you? Don't bring it if you don't see yourself using it to the best of your potential. Ladies, If you're still resentful of your past lover for being unfaithful and now think all men are cheating dogs, thats something you could've left at home. If you're a dude that's had a few bad relationships in the past and now believe that you have "commitment issues" forcing you to remain unfaithful,, that's baggage that didn't really need to bring and are probably better off being happily single for a while. Just as packing enough is self less, To bring too much baggage becomes an act of selfishness. It's possible that we can bring so much stuff into a relationship that it overshadows whatever your partner brought as well; as both need to be taken into account . When a suitcase may get too heavy to carry, we may either take breaks along our path, slowing us down or give someone else the daunting task of carrying it for you. The same goes for emotional baggage. Too much emotional baggage can weigh down not just you, but your partner as well. Carrying a heavy load is one thing but if you do, it’s only fair that you take responsibility for it. You may be able to find a partner that's willing to help you unpack but at the end of the day, they'll never be able to help you enough until you help yourself; ultimately helping the both of you.... if your willing.

Key message: Be careful of what you pack on any journey you decide to embark on. Luggage in its entirety is a necessary part of enduring life and helps you to prepare to embark on new adventures . If you don't acquire tools/items ( good and/or bad) on each trip as a souvenir, isn't the trip that much harder to remember? Its important to keep in mind that although you may want to take everything you've gained everywhere you go, you may not need every thing that you've attained. At the end of the day YOU must choose wisely what you decide to bring next."Becoming a person or a nation with character doesn't happen without self confrontation. It asks for strength exactly in those area where you feel weak.". Decide if you're ready to have your "luggage" be a weakness or a strength in your life.

From the Archives of a Predator........WRITTEN BY THAT DUDE K.C.!

Soooo its always cool to get the male perspective .........

-From The Archives of a Predator: The Letter That Was Crumpled and Tossed Back

Dear Flyest Girl In Class,

Do you like me? Yes or No?

If you are leaning toward no, allow me to sway you the other way with this 4 week plan.

Week 1
I will treat you like a perfect gentleman. I will listen to everything that you have to say and even act like I’m interested in the things that you like. Our first date will be to the park to take in the beauty of nature.

Week 2
I’m still listening intently to the things you like and don’t like. I’ll even listen to outdated laments about your former mates. I’ll heed those retrospective complaints and do everything you like, and nothing you don’t.

Week 3
I’m done listening so carefully. Phone calls wane and we spend more time indoors. And if we happen to get physical by now (ideally this would’ve happened on day one), effort goes out the window. I hope to benefit from your lack of prudent judgement.

Week 4
I can text you when I want to get physical. Hopefully you don’t mind. If your pesky self-worth and better judgment outweighs your carnal self, then I’m in luck!

Now, I’ve made my case. So just circle ‘Yes,’ so that we can be happily ever after until finals. Don’t listen to your better judgment because it knows nothing! Thank you for your attention in this matter.

Truly yours,
The innocent smart kid in class.


I was pretty truthful in college…

A woman"s plight

Torn between the bliss of ignorance and the security of knowledge

A woman always knows

And she always shows

She ALWAYS shows,

Wearing her emotions on her sleeves as an armor of protection as a reminder to always past go,too far ahead to turn backwards.

She yearns to be healed but... she doesn't mind if that cut that once ran deep leaves a scar ever so light or maybe a bruise ever so painful because it’s easier to remember visually or tactically than to mentally remember what she learned to block out, causing so much hurt in the first place.

She's one step closer to never looking back. And In case she does, she's always prepared...or so she believes.One step closer seems to leave her two steps backAs she goes back, back… forgetting how to go forth because...

She believes.

A woman believes

The expectations of the world become blinders to her soul,

As she prepares to fight those who challenge her capabilities, ignoring her strengths, highlighting her weaknesses.

She goes through life attempting to prove them all wrong.....including herself.

As she begins to rely solely on consistency, losing sight of validity,

She bends over backwards for everyone, answering the call of everyone, attempting to please everyone when the reality is, ANYONE wouldn’t even consider doing a portion of what she's done. As too many wrongs become the norm for her expectations, no longer recognizing what "right" looks likes.

After a while training becomes an alternative to maintaining,

As she lies torn apart by the decision to dwell in comfortability or dive into a place of uncertainty....

Because expecting everything seems better than not knowing anything.

Through experienced errors and mischievous milestones she ultimately realizes that to know nothing brings a sense of reality that surpasses a thousand encyclopedias and the insight of a million people....

In fact to take it a day at a time becomes the most refreshing aspect of her life as weight becomes lifted along with spirits, allowing making it through the day that much easier.

Given countless choices, A woman is forced to choose…and she always does.

"Wow your'e pretty!.....for a dark-skin girl"?

This is a topic that I personally hold dear to my heart, for various reasons. I have been blessed with many girlfriends and family members who are beautiful, and possess distinct features which make them gorgeous each in their own way. It seems that many people in society believe that one of those features include the complexion of our skin. We see it everyday when were given compliments by people . In case it wasn’t evident before, judging level of beauty based on how light or how dark a female may be is NOT a compliment, and could ultimately be seen as an insult. The words, "For a dark-skin girl" for a dark skin woman, supports the notion that we've made some huge accomplishment by being deemed attractive , surpassing the unattractiveness of our skin color. Some may say there a much bigger issues at hand dating back to slave ages when light skin slaves were freed faster than dark skin slaves as they were seen as being more attractive to slave masters. Also, lighter skin slaves (usually interracial slaves) were able to work in the kitchen and not take on strenuous jobs such as darker slaves. Yes, in other means, black is considered dirty and has negative connotations but here we are in 2009 and its time we realize that does not equate to our appearances. It’s amazing that this is still a major issue. Whether due to ignorance, or just plain prejudice amongst our own people, Its time to change our way of thinking not for ourselves, but for generations in front of us. With the help of media constantly highlighting the "beauty " of light-skin women with big booties and long flowing hair, it has become easy for dark skin women to neglect their true beauty, masking it with weaves, make up, and other disguises. The sooner we realize that were beautiful just the way we are, the better. Women once we realize it in ourselves that will force those who were skeptical before to notice too.Each person decides for themselves what is attractive and what's not.

Also, everyone is entitled to a preference of certain features they feel are beautiful and there's nothing wrong with that. Also, women as a whole have a right to dress anyway they desire and just because they do wish to wear weaves doesn’t necessarily mean they are trying to hide their “blackness”. The question we need to ask ourselves is why we do the things we do. Entertaining that question ultimately may help you realize that your answer may go a lot deeper than you may think. On a similar note, please remember that America is a melting pot for different nationalities to come forth and be fruitful for themselves. We have natives from the West Indies, Africa, Peru, China, and many more. After living here for our entire lives we may think were very knowledgeable of who's who and where there from. The reasons why do support another level of ignorance that needs to be tended to. Attention: Not ALL West Indian people sound the same, not ALL Asians look the same, and the list goes on. Furthermore, if you see someone that doesn't look the way you expected for their nationality, become intrigued to learn more, not judgmental to know why. If you’re curious as to why the next Trinidadian person you meet doesn't have a strong accent, don’t assume reasons to make sense out of it. If the next Jamaican you meet has long hair or is of a lighter complexion, don't assume they must be mixed in heritage because it doesn't meet the stereotype you have become so used to. Not all Asians have a family member who owns a nail shop and not all Mexicans have an independent family business selling fruit. These are just some of the countless stereotypes we see and believe everyday. Although many of these arose from the consistency of the usual, its important to remember that this is America....the only consistent factor is the change that comes with living here. Some may feel it’s kinda cool to surpass the expectations of a country, but after a while, it’s a bit ridiculous. Embrace the differences that come and open your mind to a new pathway of learning .

Hello Pain

Hello Pain,
It's me again. You remember me don't you? I was the one that
came by yesterday to keep you company, as you told me all about
yourself. We talked for hours and hours as you slowly revealed just who you are. As you invited me in, sadly bliss departed because , I dont know...he claims there wasn't enough room for the both of us. However, shortly after we began chatting, reality came by as well; funny, he seemed to fit in just fine. You sure know how to leave an impression. As we got to know each other, you slowly became an essential part of my life, as everything I did, I kept you in mind. Like my best friend: you were always there for me, and just when i thought I had it together, you would come to show me the way...your way. To know you meant making a few sacrifices…sacrifices that seemed worth it if I could always depend on you. I needed you, more than I needed to be ME. So my actions, even my thoughts, revolved around keeping you in my life. It seemed as if when we were friends, things went a lot smoother. As I got familiar with you, hurt didn't come by too often because you were always building a wall of protection for me...higher and higher, wider and wider. With your help, I eventually expected nothing from anyone, but I couldnt understand why I kept getting nothing in return. And slowly as we got to know each other better, you introduced me to some friends of your own: insecurity, and unhappiness. They were kinda hard to get used to at first, but it became easier as they willingly took all my accountability away. I was perfect in their eyes.

You see, I came by today to inform you that your friendship is no longer required. Thank you for being so good to me. I know you were just protecting me but it was from the wrong person: myself. The wall that you built, it blocked me out as well, so I couldn't see the sunshine anymore. I used to wonder why it always rained when we were together, but I know now that's because I couldn't embrace the rain, I only fell victim to it… and to you. Subconsciously you convicted me and that was my punishment. I think there's been a huge misunderstanding. You didn't tell me that knowing you came with SO much. Like a sisterhood everywhere we went, loneliness, deception, heartache, and anger, were sure to follow. Furthermore, when in totality, you guys took over my mind, body and soul. I was left crippled by your embrace. Its time I learned to walk on my own.

I haven't been accepting your invitations to come over lately. I'm sure you noticed because you've been sending me reminders constantly about what it used to be like when we were so close. Reminders came in the form of trials, tribulations, friends, lovers, even enemies; past acquaintances, even new faces. I noticed your hints but I didn't pay too much attention as I was busy with my new friend. Yes, as we grew apart, I met a new friend named Hope. We actually met at your house. When you weren't looking he saw me trying to knock down the wall you built and showed me how to look for the open door that always comes after the closed one. He never ceases to amaze me. I asked him how he knew were you lived and he tells me that you two used to be close. What happened? Anyway, when those reminders you sent came, he showed me how not to ignore you, but see past you and look at everything else that stood in front of me. That's when he introduced me to his friend Humility. Unlike you, he's not selfish. Surprisingly he said me and you should still keep in touch. And if it ever gets too much for me, Hope will be right there when I need him ; if he needs backup, humility wont be too far….he's kinda gangsta that way... lol. He always keeps me in check. You used to tell me that smiling gave the false impression that things were going better than they really are...so you wont feel too guilty for being happy despite your circumstance. But I see now that they are better, SO much better…so I HAVE to keep smiling.

Well anyway, I gotta go. I thank you for the great times we had, but this is where it ends for us. I'll stop by sometime just to catch up on old times but don't be surprised if we don't have much to talk about anymore. At the end of the day, I couldn't have done it without you. Thank you.

What's Right or What's Best...the choice is yours.....

As we go through life, we face many decisions on a daily basis. Some choices we have to make affect us for a moment, while others can affect us for a lifetime. As we grow, it can be said that none of the answers to the hard decisions we face get easier to find. We search high and low for some sort of “sign” that would eventually lead us in the right direction, in hopes to take the pressure off making the right choice for ourselves. The truth is there will never be a sign clear or big enough to base a life altering decision off of. To make the right choice can be seen as an innate feature in that at the end of the day, we know right from wrong. What to do with this knowledge is the hard part...which is where doing what’s best comes into play. Before we make some of our most important decisions, there needs to be some form of pre-determinant for each and every one. We need to decide if the choice we are about to make is either what's RIGHT or what's BEST.

When making an essential choice about something , we usually support what's right for reasons pertaining to OUR OWN personal afflictions with the matter . To do what's right means we do it because of what WE have to gain or lose in regards to the choice being made. We make what we believe to be a right decision because it will make us feel better or help us maintain a level of self-esteem or pride to go on with our lives. As we make the decision, we begin to ponder thoughts like," there’s nothing else that could’ve been done", or “I feel good about my decision because I couldn't take the pain anymore". Majority of “right" decisions help the individual...and there is nothing wrong with that. There comes a time in every man's life when they need to do right by themselves or at least realize what that would mean. The question that remains is whether or not it should be at the expense of what's best.

When faced with a difficult situation, to do what's best means that you're determining your choice not only on how it affects you, but all parties involved. To do so, you must put aside all feelings of anger, hurt, pride, guilt and contempt on the inside to focus on what's best for everyone; especially if the others impacted by your decision are people that you care about. It’s safe to say that it’s easier for someone looking on the outside to see the impact of life’s choices. A lot of times because of how our own feelings impact us, we neglect the feelings of others which may supercede our own in this particular situation. For example, look at a mother who may be unhappy at her current job. Day in and day out she goes to work feeling disrespected and unappreciated. She stays because although it makes her feel like crap, it’s what's best for now in order to take care of her children.
In friendships, often times we are able to see the mistakes that those close to us are making way before they are able to see it for themselves. Doing what's best may mean eventually keeping your opinions to yourself and being there for them in case they fall. Although you try to show them what's right, you do what's best for the sake of your friendship, which may mean standing back, shutting up and letting the power of experience take its course. This goes for relationships as well. Many times in a relationship, we encounter various trials in which we must decide on whether to do what's right for us as individuals or what's best for both parties. This usually goes in a cycle as we start off by doing what's right one person. Then as we grow into love for the person, we start to do what's best for our partner. If problems arise, you try to fix it by doing what you think is right for them. And in the unfortunate case where you reach the end of your relationship, you ultimately may choose what’s best for the both of you. To genuinely fall in love with someone means you lose all egotistical tendencies you once had, as you begin to value the well being and happiness of your partner, sometimes neglecting your own. As time passes and the "probationary period" ends when you realize that he/she isn't as perfect as you'd like them to be, choosing which path to take becomes more difficult as we are forced to do what we know is right for" me" or what's best for "we". At this point you may begin to question if its worth doing what’s best because you thought you were doing the best thing by getting into the relationship in the first place. It’s important to remember that what brought you to a certain place is not what makes you stay there.

Choosing what's right or what's best is usually dependent on what stage of growth you are presently in. What's right for us as individuals will always be evident as we know deep down what makes us happy. Seeing what's best may not be so easy. It requires a lot of self reflection and the gift of responsibility as you put aside your own present feelings to ensure the contentment of another. This may not be the easiest to do especially if you are left scorned, hurt, betrayed, among many other feelings as choosing to do what's right in order for you to stop these feelings looks better and better. The ability to look outside yourself and stepping foot into the shoes of another is one of life’s greatest experiences. It has the potential to humble you in a manner that will make some of life’s toughest decisions that much easier. The most important aspect of whatever decision you make is not only how you feel now, but how you'll feel later after the storm clears. The path you take will not only affect your current travels, but will ultimately affect your potential destination. Doing what we think is right can keep us going through each day, but doing what’s best can help you sleep at night. If you reached a level of both when you are able to incorporate both into your decision making, you’ll be just fine.

Truth is in the eyes of the beholder

As we go through life and interact with different people along the way, how we may try to act, may not necessarily be how someone else sees our behavior. The world goes round because each and every person has their own views and sees each and every aspect of life differently. One event can bring about countless of perceptions as to what actually happened. The important thing to remember is that just because someone doesn't view something the same way you do, it doesn't make it wrong… it makes it human.

Truth vs. Fact

We’re surrounded by countless facts. Fact: Barack Obama is president; Fact: there are 12 months in a year, and the list goes on. In grade school we learn the difference between fact and opinion, however as we grow older we need to embrace the difference between what's a fact, and what simply became a truth based on our point of view (our opinion). In court proceedings we" swear to tell the whole truth”. This is because the facts are already presented; the judge now needs to hear the truth in the eyes of those who have become witnesses. The fact could be that there were two witnesses present to a robbery however based on where they were and other forms of circumstantial evidence, how they perceived what happened could be totally different. Situations like this happen every day, in our own lives eventually impacting our own behavior.

Our Perceptions versus our actions play a major role in our everyday relationships. How we do something may be meant one way but someone else on the outside looking in could take it another. It’s easy to form our own truths, based on how it impacted you. Eventually if we believe something long enough or perceive an event to be a certain way for a long period of time, you sincerely think it to be valid based on the reliability of your feelings. Majority of times, in relationships the facts are clear, but the truth will often vary between the two parties involved....usually emphasizing the differences between males and females. It’s important to remember that the two viewpoints may be different, but it doesn't make it any less important or substantial. For example, although we may not have intended to cause any harm, and sincerely believe we had everyone’s best interest at heart, it doesn't take away from the fact that harm did arise based on the events that took place. Although you may not agree, you must respect their views in order to perhaps do things differently in the future.

Taking another person's truth into account is not easy, especially when you have your own truth on the same matter. We would all like others to understand where were coming from. However if we all thought the same way, we would live in a boring world and would not be able to grow to our full potential. Many of us look for understanding in relationships however it easily becomes wasted as judgment comes to play. We begin to throw stones easily forgetting that many of us still occupy glass houses…or at least have a glass window somewhere.

Before you try to understand someone, simply listen to them first. Although what they have to say may sound crazy and unwarranted, the respect you've shown by listening will take your relationship (no matter the type) a long way. The opinions of others help us grow as individuals. We know were ready to handle the facts when we can realize the importance of not just our truth, but the truth as others see it.