Do we really need the hyphen???
This is an issue that many women, along with myself have struggled with for a long time. The point when we let go of the individualism we've come to cherish in order to find true love is a battle that many women fight; some will win, while others will fail miserably. It’s bad enough that divorce rates are through the roof along with unsuccessful relationships as a whole. The reasons are countless yet one important factor may be that as women, we’ve forgotten how to let men be men. We've achieved so much that many of us feel that we should take our rightful place right next to a man yet, overlooking the shine he needs too. If you believe in marriage and plan on having your vows recited before GOD in a church ,then the basics still remain clear." Wives submit unto your husbands"... Without taking us back into the Stone Age, there is a way in which we can be powerful influential women and still let a man be the man. This whole “Miss Independent” thing is great and overdue, but one may say its gone a little overboard. Yes it’s true that there are many men in this world who have left tons of women without a choice but to play both roles equally, however if you truly attempt to be in a successful relationship when that time comes, its important that we let go and have faith that the guy you've chosen will take on his responsibility as a MAN to the best of his potential. If he fails, that’s not a reflection on you.
Courtship goes a long way. Women,let him open the door for you. Let him pay for a meal or two. That does not take away from your ability to take care of yourself. It shows in a small way how you feel you deserve to be treated. If something needs fixing, let him try to fix it. I’m not saying let him pay all your” Bills Bills Bills,”, but if he’s willing to help let him. I’ve grown to learn that a good man would do what he can to help his lady (if he really cares), because he expects that if he’s ever down for the count, you’d do the same. Yes, we can do all the things a man can do but just like we need to feel appreciated, so do our male counterparts. Yes its important to be independent and I'm sure as Ne-Yo so nicely put it, men love it especially nowadays, however this is only for a limited time and should be willingly compromised once you've decided to be in a meaningful relationship. If you've been in what you call a committed relationship and still just want a man around, instead of needing that man, examine how far you expect that relationship to go and why. Keep in mind that needing someone doesn't mean you can't go on without them .It simply means that you've looked in your past where you've been, are examining your present together and see them in your future plans. To need him means that out of all the choices you may have, this is the one that counts.
The first step of submission may be taking his name. I've begun research to discover who was the first woman to decide that its essential to keep both her name and her husbands name. Jones-Harding, Washington- Bradley, etc, etc. As a woman who has accomplished A LOT by herself, I can understand the importance of wanting to appreciate the accomplishments you've made without the help of anyone else and wanting to carry that onto your children. Yet when we decide to embark on the union of marriage, this is not just a tough decision for you, but for him too. With all the men out there running from marriage, this man has decided that you are worthy of sharing his legacy, his last name with you. The first thing that made this man who he is. If hes truly a worthy man of your time ( as I know many are frontin’ out there), then we should be honored. Key Message: If you are who you are, you ll be that person regardless, with or without a ring. Hanging onto your name isn’t what made you who you are or what you’ve done. Too many of us go into relationships one way , expecting drastic life changes in our partner ...good luck. Furthermore your name, is not what's going to make the future generations beneath you follow in your footsteps. A powerful legacy comes with teaching and raising .You can tag on as many names as you want to ,but will it really have a profound effect on the outcome your trying to achieve ? You decide.
-One growing woman’s opinion.
The first step of submission may be taking his name. I've begun research to discover who was the first woman to decide that its essential to keep both her name and her husbands name. Jones-Harding, Washington- Bradley, etc, etc. As a woman who has accomplished A LOT by herself, I can understand the importance of wanting to appreciate the accomplishments you've made without the help of anyone else and wanting to carry that onto your children. Yet when we decide to embark on the union of marriage, this is not just a tough decision for you, but for him too. With all the men out there running from marriage, this man has decided that you are worthy of sharing his legacy, his last name with you. The first thing that made this man who he is. If hes truly a worthy man of your time ( as I know many are frontin’ out there), then we should be honored. Key Message: If you are who you are, you ll be that person regardless, with or without a ring. Hanging onto your name isn’t what made you who you are or what you’ve done. Too many of us go into relationships one way , expecting drastic life changes in our partner ...good luck. Furthermore your name, is not what's going to make the future generations beneath you follow in your footsteps. A powerful legacy comes with teaching and raising .You can tag on as many names as you want to ,but will it really have a profound effect on the outcome your trying to achieve ? You decide.
-One growing woman’s opinion.
3 comments:
Interesting topic and I do agree that "independant woman syndrome" has gone to an extreme! We've gone from one extreme to another. Where is the balance? I am reading an amazing book that says "to give oneself over to love and marriage is to say yes to death. Submission entails a loss of life, but there is also a gain for the soul...love demands a submission that is total." And I truley believe that's both for man and woman!Maybe in the beginning there was a lack equality so we strived for independance and self worth through individualism but now we are at the opposite side of the scale and we cover up our fears and insecurities by claims of individualism and independance. True bravery is giving yourself to every experience whole heartedly not just the things you are sure you can achieve.
Yes I totally agree. There are sacrifices to be made once we make that step to love and let love. It's time we stop looking at the "now" and focus on the bigger picture.The more we try to hold onto our independence, the more we become controlled and held back from whatever life may have to offer.
With the changing times, it's important that we evolve. These are very different times. The basis of feminism was fair and equal treatment. My last name will go unto my wife and, subsequently, my children and will be the title of my dynasty (The Cornell Dynasty, hee-hee). You wouldn't believe how much it matters to a man that his name, first and last, be carried on. Though I never had the conversation with a woman, but I assume a woman wants her name to endure also. So I'd vote hecky yeah for the hyphen. But if not in marriage, at least hypenate the youts dem.
Just stop being fundamentalist feminists!!! And men, stop being chauvinists!! Let's all switch places from time to time like Usher said. But don't become too far removed from just letting ya man be a man and letting ya woman be a woman. It's a recession!!
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