Hello Pain

Hello Pain,
It's me again. You remember me don't you? I was the one that
came by yesterday to keep you company, as you told me all about
yourself. We talked for hours and hours as you slowly revealed just who you are. As you invited me in, sadly bliss departed because , I dont know...he claims there wasn't enough room for the both of us. However, shortly after we began chatting, reality came by as well; funny, he seemed to fit in just fine. You sure know how to leave an impression. As we got to know each other, you slowly became an essential part of my life, as everything I did, I kept you in mind. Like my best friend: you were always there for me, and just when i thought I had it together, you would come to show me the way...your way. To know you meant making a few sacrifices…sacrifices that seemed worth it if I could always depend on you. I needed you, more than I needed to be ME. So my actions, even my thoughts, revolved around keeping you in my life. It seemed as if when we were friends, things went a lot smoother. As I got familiar with you, hurt didn't come by too often because you were always building a wall of protection for me...higher and higher, wider and wider. With your help, I eventually expected nothing from anyone, but I couldnt understand why I kept getting nothing in return. And slowly as we got to know each other better, you introduced me to some friends of your own: insecurity, and unhappiness. They were kinda hard to get used to at first, but it became easier as they willingly took all my accountability away. I was perfect in their eyes.

You see, I came by today to inform you that your friendship is no longer required. Thank you for being so good to me. I know you were just protecting me but it was from the wrong person: myself. The wall that you built, it blocked me out as well, so I couldn't see the sunshine anymore. I used to wonder why it always rained when we were together, but I know now that's because I couldn't embrace the rain, I only fell victim to it… and to you. Subconsciously you convicted me and that was my punishment. I think there's been a huge misunderstanding. You didn't tell me that knowing you came with SO much. Like a sisterhood everywhere we went, loneliness, deception, heartache, and anger, were sure to follow. Furthermore, when in totality, you guys took over my mind, body and soul. I was left crippled by your embrace. Its time I learned to walk on my own.

I haven't been accepting your invitations to come over lately. I'm sure you noticed because you've been sending me reminders constantly about what it used to be like when we were so close. Reminders came in the form of trials, tribulations, friends, lovers, even enemies; past acquaintances, even new faces. I noticed your hints but I didn't pay too much attention as I was busy with my new friend. Yes, as we grew apart, I met a new friend named Hope. We actually met at your house. When you weren't looking he saw me trying to knock down the wall you built and showed me how to look for the open door that always comes after the closed one. He never ceases to amaze me. I asked him how he knew were you lived and he tells me that you two used to be close. What happened? Anyway, when those reminders you sent came, he showed me how not to ignore you, but see past you and look at everything else that stood in front of me. That's when he introduced me to his friend Humility. Unlike you, he's not selfish. Surprisingly he said me and you should still keep in touch. And if it ever gets too much for me, Hope will be right there when I need him ; if he needs backup, humility wont be too far….he's kinda gangsta that way... lol. He always keeps me in check. You used to tell me that smiling gave the false impression that things were going better than they really are...so you wont feel too guilty for being happy despite your circumstance. But I see now that they are better, SO much better…so I HAVE to keep smiling.

Well anyway, I gotta go. I thank you for the great times we had, but this is where it ends for us. I'll stop by sometime just to catch up on old times but don't be surprised if we don't have much to talk about anymore. At the end of the day, I couldn't have done it without you. Thank you.